DEAR MISS MANNERS: About trying to get a head count for a party, would it be rude to say: “The party is on Feb. 15. Please let us know by the 7th if you will be coming. If we don’t hear from you by then, we will assume you will not be attending. If you cannot know your plans by the 7th, please let me know that, too, and maybe we can work something out.”
That should get the invitees to respond in a timely fashion one way or another. To me, the above doesn’t seem too much to expect of an invitee, and the party-giver has a better chance of not ending up with too many or too few around her table. The host/hostess has set it up in such a way that the response, or lack of it, tells him/her what is needed for setting up for a party.
GENTLE READER: This sounds like a theoretical exercise for you, so while Miss Manners agrees that it should not be too much trouble for people to respond to invitations, she suggests you check back when you have experiential data. Asking people to respond by a given date is neither rude nor new, but suggesting they would be inconsiderate enough not to respond is both — and is also inconsistent with your otherwise charmingly optimistic appraisal of humanity.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.