Dear Annie: I never thought I would write to an advice column about this, but I am genuinely torn.
I am a 34-year-old woman with two dogs, Bella and Murphy. They are both rescues and have been with me through a breakup, a move and the death of my dad. I joke that they are my “first kids,” but there is a lot of truth in that. My evenings are built around walks, snuggling on the couch and muddy paw prints by the door.
Six months ago, I started dating a wonderful man I will call “Evan.” He is kind, funny, responsible and treats me with real care. I can see a future with him. The problem is that he does not like dogs. At all. He is not allergic. He just finds them messy, loud and “too much.” He is polite around Bella and Murphy, but he clearly dislikes having them in the house and has hinted that he could never live with dogs full time.
I feel like my heart is being pulled in two directions. I love this man, but I also love my dogs and cannot imagine giving them up.
Am I foolish to think this relationship can work, or is there a way to build a life where I do not have to choose between the person I love and the dogs who have loved me all along? — Caught Between Paws and Partners
Dear Caught: You’re not being silly. You’re facing a very real compatibility issue. Dogs aren’t throw pillows. They’re family.
Bella and Murphy were there before Evan. They’re part of your daily life and your heart. Anyone who wants a future with you has to at least respect that bond. Ann Landers might say that if a man cannot share a couch with your dog, he doesn’t deserve a front-row seat in your life.
Have a clear talk with him. Tell him the dogs are staying and ask what he would need to feel more comfortable. If he can bend, you may have something to build on. If he expects you to give them up, then he has already given you your answer.
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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].