Dear Reverend,
I’m not attracted to men with beards, but I’ve never told that to my boyfriend. For some reason, he’s decided to start growing one. It wasn’t bad at first, but now that it’s getting longer, I just can’t stand it. I don’t even want to kiss him anymore because the hairs poke my face and get in my mouth. Help!
Mr. Misopogon (man, 29)
Dear Mr. Misopogon,
It can be really hard to talk to a loved one about their personal appearance, especially if there’s something you don’t like. When their choices actually cause you physical pain, that’s a whole other ball of beard wax.
To protect his feelings, it may be best not to mention that you find men with beards unattractive. Focus on the fact that his beard hurts your face rather than your eyes. You could even tell him that you appreciate how he’s trying something new, but you have to let him know how the pokey beard affects you.
Pick a time to talk when you’re both relaxed, and just be honest. Tell him that you love kissing him, but the whiskers ruin the mood. Be specific about what you don’t like and have suggestions ready to remedy the situation.
Just like any other hair, beards need to be cleaned and conditioned regularly to be in their best shape. You could gift him with some products, such as beard oil, to help make it softer. Perhaps you could ask if he wouldn’t mind trimming the beard to a length that feels better for you. If you want to get fancy, offer to take him to a barber who specializes in beard care and get him the full treatment. Who knows? After some proper grooming, you might just change your tune.
Hopefully, the two of you will be able to come to a compromise, but if you really want him to ditch the chin curtain entirely, flattery can go a long way. Tell him that you miss seeing his gorgeous face in all of its naked glory, and he might just shed that face fur quick as a wink.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend