Dear Annie: Christmas at my parents’ house used to feel magical, but lately it feels like I’m walking into a performance review. My older brother’s new hobby is “radical honesty,” and apparently the holidays are his favorite time to practice.
Last year, as we decorated the tree, he announced that my handmade ornaments looked “like a Pinterest fail” and suggested I “sit out the creative parts” of Christmas.
He says he’s only being truthful and that any discomfort is “my issue to examine.” My parents beg me not to make waves because he’s “working on himself,” but his self-work is coming at my expense.
I don’t want to blow up Christmas, but I also don’t want another holiday spent swallowing my feelings while he unloads his. How do I keep the peace without letting his “honesty” ruin the season? — Silent Night No More
Dear Silent Night No More: Your brother isn’t practicing “radical honesty.” He’s practicing rudeness dressed up as virtue. There’s a world of difference between honesty offered for a purpose and “honesty” used as a free pass to insult people.
The next time he starts his commentary, calmly cut him off — something like, “I’m not interested in feedback right now” — and turn back to whatever you were doing. As for your parents, their plea to “keep the peace” really means they want you to keep him comfortable. Tell them you’re coming to enjoy Christmas, not be in his line of fire.
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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].