Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We’ve always had a solid partnership with no major issues. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m just a supporting character in his life.
He recently started a new job that he’s passionate about, and while I’m happy for him, everything seems to revolve around his schedule, his goals, his stress. I work full-time, too, and we have two kids, but somehow I’ve become the default parent and household manager while he gets to “focus.”
When I try to bring it up, he says he’s just “under a lot of pressure” and that it’s temporary. But it’s been almost a year. I don’t want to keep score, but I also have goals of my own that I feel like I’m sacrificing so he can pursue his.
How do I bring this up again in a way that doesn’t come off as resentful? — Fading Into the Background
Dear Fading: Your letter doesn’t sound resentful — so just explain it to him the way you explained it to me.
If you find yourself falling into the role of household manager by default, you might consider a concrete division of labor. Map out a schedule together of who takes on what chores, and make sure you both build in enough time to pursue your own projects, too.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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