DEAR ANNIE: I’ve read plenty about empty-nest depression and how to cope with it, and I managed that stage just fine. I enjoyed my grandchildren and watched them grow into teenagers. But now I’m struggling with something different: how to handle the emptiness of the holidays.
I have two sons. One has always made sure I get time with his family. The other is married to a woman who insists they spend Christmas with her mother across the country. As a result, my husband and I are left alone for the holiday. I’ve suggested they visit a week early and then go on their trip, but it’s always “work, schedules,” and the conversation ends there.
Year after year, I find myself feeling disappointed and heartsick during the Christmas season. Is this simply how life looks now? Do adult children not realize how much this hurts? I don’t have many years left, and the loneliness weighs on me. — Alone in NC
DEAR ALONE: You’re not wrong to feel disappointed. Holidays are emotional landmarks, and when long-standing traditions change, it can be hard to swallow.
What is in your control is how you shape the season for yourself. If one son reliably makes time for you, treasure that. For the other, set reasonable expectations — perhaps a scheduled video call or a visit at another time of year when their schedules allow. Holidays don’t have to fall on a particular date to be meaningful.
In the meantime, widen your circle. Invite a friend or neighbor to share a meal. Volunteer somewhere that needs an extra pair of hands. Create traditions that don’t depend on anyone else’s plans.
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